Suicidal Love Story Volume 4: Thorns. Chapter 16

The final year of high school came and things were changing now. Most of the awful students were completely gone and dropped out. The final exams and tests were about to begin, all I needed to do was past them and get a good enough grade to graduate and go onto college.

There was an occasion roaming nearer, the High school prom. All the girls talked about it. Some boys spoke of it and said "Are you going, who you going to ask out?"
I had no reason to go to the prom, I was happy to walk away and not say goodbye to a majority of people.  I thought about it, the benefits and the cons of going and not going. It would be the last time I see people and so I believed I might see their true attitude towards others. I'd hear the conversations between them. See the slow dance and emotional moments that would be interesting. There was only one thing I thought about of this and that was to see Jia-Li in that moment.  What would she wear, how would she act?
I waited one morning outside the school gates for the bell to ring and thought about seeing Jai-Li at the prom and then I seen her walking, I approached her and asked if she was going to the prom in a quizzical and friendly manner. She said very clearly with force "No!"

I turned my head around and calmly yet in a cool manner said "I'm not going either". Jiao looked at us very confused, I don't know if they walked off in silence or if they spoke of me, the crowd of people entering the gates would drown the noise if so. A girl like her would not go to the prom.

The days were so repetitive that I can't remember most of them. I finally did my exams and that was it, I remember someone on the final day spoke to me and asked if I wanted to go out and celebrate, I declined and one of the boys asked if I was going to the School Prom instead, I said no but a whole bunch of the boys pleaded me to go. They told me to honour the memory of what I've been through, to see people for the final time. I told them I might think about it and so, I went home and played Alice Cooper's "Schools out" in my room. The day became darker and I finally decided to go to the prom. Those sad faces they gave me could not be erased from my mind. I told my mother I was going out and discussed it. It was decided, since I graduated, I have the right to go to the prom. My attire was casual smart, not really fancy but it was decent enough that when I came onto the school grounds the boys told me I looked cool and proper safe. I waited for the bus to arrive with the boys, some more people came with suits and tuxedos, and they bought some alcohol. Then the girls arrived in limousines, I never understood what was glamorous about limousines, sure it was comfortable and had great space. People would always look at them and people would be happy to be in one. Whenever I was in a limousine, I just thought of it as a car with lots of room.

So as the girls arrived, the boys gawked and gazed at the lovely and attractive ones. Lots more arrived in cars and to my surprise one of the girls who came out of one car was Jia-Li herself. Liar! I uttered to myself, I wondered where her sidekick was, Jiao, she didn't came to the prom unfortunately. Jia-Li was wearing a white dress with her hair pinned up; she looked like a glamorous model and had a killer smile that melted my heart but this night just got interesting I thought to myself. Now things are ready, the bus arrived and I got on and like always I pay the fair a bit too much.

When we arrived, I got off the bus and immediately the girls spoke about dancing partners, surprisingly I had girls grabbing my arm, not even asking me but demanding to dance with me, I shrugged them off and the boys told them to back off and leave me alone. Some of us did not want to dance. The building was a football club that one of the P.E. teachers was a member of. I finally went into the building and entered the doors to the place. I was one of the first to enter; I wish I hadn't because the next thing I heard behind me had been ear piercing screams of girls getting excited. The whole thing began with music and dancing. Fortunately for me I had someone to sit near to; we just spoke and had drinks. I asked him with a smirk why he was not dancing with the women. He said the same reason I wasn't.  The music that was played was a collection of 50 cent, rap and regurgitated pop songs, I'm not a fan of 50 cent and that made it worse. It was the pupils that chose the music. All through the night though, I was slightly shaking and felt very uneasy. I went outside onto the balcony for fresh air only to be greeted by the boys' secretly smoking weed and the smell of it. This did not help me whatsoever and only made me feel worse. I sat down inside again, I knew something was wrong. Was it the curry I had? I went to the toilet, calmly walked towards the sink, suddenly collapsed upon the white ceramic and vomited out. One of the boys seen me and asked if I was alright, the other comes out of the cubicle and is amazed at my projectile vomiting that seems to make even strangers stand in wonder and awe.

"Holy shit… how you do that?" says one of the boys in amazement.

Feeling a lot better with an empty stomach and a smile of relief on my face, I must note I never tried the buffet because indeed my nerves was shredding for reasons I could not understand. An empty stomach was best for me. I exit the bathroom and go back into the room where everyone is dancing.  A funny sight greets me, I see a line of boys who seem to be waiting, and I get a little annoyed and ask what's going on. I move aside and notice the line of boys end on Jai-Li sitting down. One of the boys asks her to dance with him but she declines, then another boy comes and she declines with her self-conscious smile. This was amusing to me, that all these boys wanted her to dance with them but she denied them. However this one boy would not take no for an answer, grabbed her hand and pulled her away from her seat; she firmly resisted him and shook her head. This angered me and I was about to come in and say "If she don't want to dance, don't force her" but then her friends came and gave him a verbal bashing.
I sit down and relax. A bunch of boys come up to me and say the following:

"I didn't know you had it in you!"
"Safe man!"
"You actually did it? Awesome"

I answer them and they all seem amazed, the boys who seen me vomit must have been impressed, this I did not care about.  I believe Jia-li caught a glimpse of me at that moment; a crowd of boys complimenting me would probably arrest her interest.

The DJ announces to get the partners ready for the romantic slow dance and a couple of minutes later the slow dance happens, all the girls, rush to their chosen partners, some dragged them onto the floor, so the slow dance begins and it is "Kissing you" by Des'ree. What a pathetic song to dance with a partner to, I thought to myself. I had a few girls giving me longing looks to dance with me but the scowl on my face would scare them off. It was teenage girls trying to find a romantic moment in the finality of it all. It didn't matter to me. I could not care.

As they all slow danced. To my surprise I noticed Jia-Li all alone sitting at a big table. It was so weird to me, a popular girl like her who declined to dance with people. To most it is a dream to dance with your high school crush on the final prom. This was not so. I told my friend that I would sit beside Jia-Li to keep her company, for some reason, I was drawn to her, something magnetic made me want to go beside her, this moment told me… she should not be alone by herself. Actually two people, a boy and girl not dancing only sitting together beside each other, it felt right… to sit beside her… to say "You're not the only one who's going to be alone in this moment" however I didn't say it, I could feel it. I had no idea why I wanted to comfort her.

I pulled out a chair from under the table and sat beside her as I greeted her with a smile, we never spoke a word, we both had our heads facing down, she looked at me and gave me a smile, this smile was different... it was calm as if she was saying "Thank you". I then smiled back and looked down on the floor; I took a couple of sips of my beverage. I turned to look at her again and noticed she was looking at me, she blurted out a shy smile... I turned away in shyness and looked again, in self-consciousness her eyelids rapidly began to blink. Did she want me to ask her to dance; was she waiting for me to say it? I thought, should I ask her? This was it, I was going to ask her to dance with me and a girl as her should not dance alone. If I was to ask her to dance, even though she declined others, how would they feel if they saw us dancing? They would be feeling bad that's for sure. But tranquillity went inside me. I felt this was enough; this was good enough to me, to sit down beside her and keep her company. Yes, we both lied to each other that we would not be here but here we were, I gulped and let it go, I used my courage and was about to ask her then her friends came up to her and she joined them. I slowly walked up to my friend and sat beside him, he asked if I liked the girl, I said to him the facts of what he just seen. That would be enough for him to decide if I liked her or not. I smiled in acceptance.

So it became calm and everything was alright. Our head tutor said that even though this was a sad day that we would never see each other again it was also happy day, we would go off into the world, become adults and live our life, go into careers and jobs. It was a poignant speech but not as poignant as this moment I'm about to tell you. On the bus ride home the song "How you remind me" by Nickelback came on and everyone sang along to it. I raised my head up and looked at everyone around me. This would be the last time I would see most of them. Even though I spent five years with them and most of them gave me a headache, I seen that they were human beings feeling happy with the experiences they had.

I felt happy for them and in time I would actually come to miss them. I gave off a smile and chuckled; I looked around as I soaked up the feeling of them all. There was someone else who was doing exactly the same thing just opposite to me. I noticed and faced Jai-Li. We looked at each other and smiled... We both looked around again and looked back at each other. She was actually giving me a warm smile as we gazed into each other's eyes, I think she was actually blushing with me and yeah my face went the most red as I blushed and I instantly covered my face as I turned around. That would be our last moment… or so I thought.

We got off the bus, I was happy that I had a crush on Jai-Li, it made it more interesting.
High school ended and the day I wished for finally came. I was afraid but ready enough to face the future. My dear reader; let me remind you that this story is far from over. My nightmares still came to me. It was not as frequent. Something big was going to happen. A new nightmare would begin, one that I could not wake up from. I was still foolish.